


About Us

by drjamband



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, USS Kelvin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-03
Updated: 2014-04-03
Packaged: 2018-01-18 00:22:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 787
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1408078
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/drjamband/pseuds/drjamband
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's the 30th anniversary of the Kelvin disaster.</p>
            </blockquote>





	About Us

If Spock were not half-Vulcan he would admit to some trepidation at the thought of walking into his and Jim’s quarters.  Tomorrow would be the 30th anniversary of the Kelvin disaster.  It would also be Jim’s birthday, and ever since McCoy had come into Jim’s life there had been a celebration, and an increasingly happy one each year at that.  But Spock was afraid that tonight would not be a good night for Jim.

Spock keyed in his code and found Jim watching an old holo, the light of the screen the only illumination in the room.  It flickered black and blue on Jim’s face.

Jim turned to look at him with tear-stained cheeks and red-rimmed eyes, and Spock felt something squeeze his heart in his side.

Spock made his way to the bed and sat down gingerly, letting Jim immediately clamber on top of him and tuck his face into Spock’s neck.  “I’m so stupid,” Jim whispered.

“Why do you say that?”

“I...I should be used to this.  But they’re making such a big deal out of it this year.  Thank God I’m not on Earth for it.”  Jim took a shuddering breath.  “I just….God, I hate this.  I hate myself.  Crying like a baby over something I don’t even remember.  It’s just that...I wish I could have known him.  I wish I could have _one_ memory of him, just to keep.”  He raised his head and looked at Spock.  “How can I miss someone I never even knew?”

“I do not know the answer to that, _ashayam_ ,” Spock replied, brushing a kiss across Jim’s forehead in apology.

“I know you’ll say it’s illogical, but--.”

“No, Jim,” Spock said, cutting him off.  “It is not.  I…” he trailed off, and Jim knew he must have been thinking of his own mother.  “You had no one to take care of you,” Spock started again.  “You imagine that he would have been a loving and devoted father.  If he had survived, your mother would not have married Frank and you would not have been abused.  You would have better familial relations.  It is perfectly normal to feel this way, Jim.”

Then Jim was sobbing into Spock’s neck, unable to stop himself.  “I just don’t understand,” he cried.  “I just don’t understand why it happened.  I want...I want my dad.”  He sucked in tiny gasps.  “Makes me so fucking angry.  I...I want to hurt myself.”

“It is not your fault.”

“I know.  But...I don’t wanna hurt anyone else.  But I’m so mad.”

“You may take it out on me, if you wish.”

“What?” Jim practically screamed.

“If you wish to hurt someone….I will do this for you, Jim.”

“No!” Jim cried.  “No, how could you say that?  I don’t wanna hurt you, Spock, ever.  I just...I don’t know what I want.  I want it to go away.”

“I wish I could take this pain away from you, Jim.”

Jim swallowed, catching his breath.  “If it all hadn’t happened, who knows where I’d be?  Maybe I wouldn’t have you, you know?”

“You believe fate brought us together.”

Jim nodded.  “But I still wish….I’ll never know, and it kills me.”

Spock held him tighter.  “I know.”  Jim yawned against Spock’s neck.  “You must rest, _ashaya_.  This emotion has caused you fatigue.”  Jim didn’t argue.  “Is there anything I can do for you?”

“Just stay with me.  Don’t let go.”

“Of course,” Spock replied, lying back so Jim was sprawled over his chest.  Jim’s eyes were squeezed shut tight and his breathing was shallow.  Spock ghosted his fingers over Jim’s face, easing his distress enough that he could fall asleep.  Just before Jim slipped under, he murmured, “Thank you.  I’m so….”  He didn’t finish, but Spock felt what he meant: _grateful, lucky, love you_.

Spock settled himself more comfortably on the bed and closed his eyes, basking in the feel of his _t’hy’la_ solid in his arms.  After a few minutes his PADD dinged with a new message.

**From: Dr. Leonard H. McCoy**

**How’s Jim doing?**

Spock typed out a reply. _He is asleep...for now._

**Good.  Thank you, Spock.  He really needed you today.**

_I will always be here for him._

**Yeah** , came the reply.   **Guess I’ll have to get used to it.**

Spock let himself feel a flicker of amusement at the statement before kissing the top of Jim’s head and allowing himself to fall asleep.  

Tomorrow there would be a party, and presents, and Jim would persuade him to eat a small piece of cake.  They would have what Jim called “birthday sex.”  They would ignore everything about the Kelvin.

But tonight, there was Jim and Spock.  Just like always.

 

 


End file.
